Dibs
by The Siege Perilous
Summary: Lori learns that there's a point in every conversation where you need to stop asking questions. Warning: Loudcest, phones, and the color green.


**Authors Note: I was surprised that people responded positively to that other thing I wrote, which had a lot of time and thought put into it. So in the interest of science, here's something short and stupid I wrote up.**

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Lori Loud was in her natural state of being. Thumbs flying across her phone at speeds that were more typically measured by radar, and one eye firmly planted upon her sisters, who were coloring a short distance away. Her parents had requested that she watch over her younger siblings while they took care of some errands, and while the remainder of her siblings had seen fit to occupy themselves in ways that would not draw her ire, the twins had proven themselves incapable of such trust. Hence their current situation. But it had been some time since Lori had so thoroughly lain down the law, and she sheer quantity of quiet was beginning to unnerve her.

"So, Lola", Lori ventured conversationally, "I hear your school's having a little dance soon. Has Winston asked you yet?"

"Ick", Lola replied, and offered nothing further as she focused on her activity.

"He tried", Lana supplied, seeing the puzzlement apparent upon Lori's face, "Lola made him cry. She used some of those words Mom says we're not supposed to know."

"LANA!"

"Wait, what?" Lori interjected, attempting to head off the brawl that was almost certain to follow, "I thought you liked him, Lola. You spent all of last Valentine's day trying to get him to notice you."

"That was then", Lola grumbled, "He's just not what I'm looking for in a man."

"You said he was a butt-face", Lana offered.

"He's also a butt-face", Lola concluded, nodding in agreement.

And with that, the twins returned to their work. However, sheer curiosity would not permit Lori to let the matter drop so quickly.

"Lola, you're six. What could you possibly be looking for in a boyfriend at this point?"

"I don't know", the princess replied, exasperated. "Maybe someone more like…Lincoln. I guess"

Lori blinked. That was not the response she was expecting.

"Meaning…?" She prompted.

"Handsome, cleans up nicely, takes direction well", Lola replied. Surprisingly fast, given her previous response.

Lori blinked again. Another unexpected reply, with especially unexpected phrasing.

"Handsome?" she queried

"I can't have an ugly boyfriend, Lori", Lola answered, rolling her eyes.

"That's not the part I was questioning…"

"I'm just gonna date Lincoln" Lana interjected.

Two sets of eyes blinked in unison.

"Lana", Lori began, "You can't date Lincoln".

"YEAH! You can't just DATE Lincoln!" Lola shrieked in agreement.

"Well why not?"

Lori opened her mouth with the intention of gently letting the young girl down.

"Because I didn't know that was an option!"

And promptly shut her mouth as her brain began rebooting.

Suddenly the room exploded into a disorienting kaleidoscope of colors and sounds. Mercifully, the event was as short as it was unpleasant, and when Lori's vision returned to her, she found herself staring at Lisa Loud, in spite of the fact that the room had not previously contained a Lisa only scant moments earlier.

"Prototype cloaking device", the diminutive scientist supplied, seeing the looks her sisters were giving her. "But of greater importance is the conversation I just overheard, and the most egregious social faux-pas that you, my elder siblings, are intending to commit".

Lori sighed in relief. Finally, some common sense.

"For you see, I have already declared my intentions to pursue into a romantic relationship with our male sibling, thus establishing a claim that predates yours. Street name, 'dibs'"

Lori rubbed her now throbbing temples. So much for common sense.

"Not true", Lucy opined, startling her siblings in the process.

"But I SCANNED for her…" Lisa muttered to herself.

"I said I would concede my dibs to you in the event that I'm able to find an immortal vampire boyfriend", Lucy continued. "Until then, Lincoln remains my intended".

"Slow your roll there, little sis", said Luna Loud as she strolled into the room.

Lori refused to allow herself to feel surprised at these further developments. But she appreciated that Luna, at least, had the decency to use the door for her entrance.

"Lynn was the one who had dibs" Luna explained, "then she lost them to Luan in a game of Extreme Ultimate Pie Fighting."

A sudden buzzing from her phone caused Lori to check her messages. It was a text from Luan.

_I gave Lynn her __**just desserts**_

But how…*buzz* Another message.

_Hahaha. Get it?_

Lori sighed and deleted the messages just in time to hear the end of Luna's story.

"…and once we finished paying off the rest of the stage magicians, Luan gave her dibs to me. It was the least she could do, after the whole thing with the tiger."

"But you're already dating Sam!" Lori yelled in exasperation

The aspiring rock star shrugged "Girl's gotta keep her options open".

Thoroughly done with the situation, Lori excused herself as that last comment prompted a new round of arguments. She made her way to her bedroom, hoping she could leave the latest batch of Loud brand insanity at the door. But upon arriving at her destination, she could tell that this was clearly not the case.

There stood Leni Loud, inspecting herself in their communal mirror. Her hair was exquisite, her makeup immaculate, and her body was encased in a seafoam green dress which clung to her generous curves like a second skin. She looked like the sort of thing that would prompt one to delete their internet search history.

Lori pinched the bridge of her nose in irritation, and took a long, deep breath to steady herself.

"Leni, _tomorrow_ is your date night with Lincoln. Tonight's my turn. Remember?"


End file.
